
Posted originally on the Archive_of_Our_Own at https://archiveofourown.org/
works/9608096.
  Rating:
      Explicit
  Archive Warning:
      Underage, Rape/Non-Con
  Category:
      M/M
  Fandom:
      Supernatural
  Relationship:
      Balthazar/Gabriel_(Supernatural), Michael/Chuck_Shurley, Lucifer/Chuck
      Shurley, Lucifer/Michael/Chuck_Shurley
  Character:
      Balthazar_(Supernatural), Gabriel_(Supernatural), Michael_(Supernatural),
      Lucifer_(Supernatural), Chuck_Shurley, castiel_(flashbacks_only)
  Additional Tags:
      Prequel, Series, Fluff_and_Angst, Hedonism, Snarky_Balthazar, Protective
      Gabriel, Hurt_Gabriel, Past_Child_Abuse, Recreational_Drug_Use,
      Blackmail, Sex_Tapes, Drunk_Sex, Alternate_Universe_-_Human, Human
      Balthazar, Human_Gabriel, Bottom_Gabriel, Abusive_Parents, Gang_Violence,
      Tattoo_Artist_Lucifer, Rivalry, matt_cohen_Michael, Hurt_Lucifer, Good
      Lucifer, Lucifer_Needs_a_Hug, Insecure_Michael, Jealous_Michael, Jealous
      Lucifer, Hurt_Michael, Michael_Needs_a_Hug, Top_Balthazar, Switching,
      Swingers
  Series:
      Part 3 of Saints_and_Sinners
  Stats:
      Published: 2017-02-06 Updated: 2017-03-06 Chapters: 2/? Words: 12052
****** My love is selfish I cannot breathe without you ******
by nobodyshome0
Summary
     Gabriel Novak's life was destroyed when his brother went missing. He
     knew his mother was abusive, but he had no idea what she did to his
     brother till it was too late.
     He failed to save his brother once, he was willing to go to any
     lengths to find him. Even if that meant recruiting the likes of
     Balthazar Roché, a hedonistic former British reality TV star, turned
     lawyer
     Balthazar Roché's life was turned upside down the moment Gabriel
     Novak blackmailed him into helping him, never mind that he was a
     lawyer not a detective, still he finds himself oddly drawn to the
     damaged man before him as Gabriel leads him back into the life of
     debauchery he once rejected for profit. He finds himself falling for
     someone as broken and wanton as he is.
     Chuck Shurley always had the worst luck with men, ever since his
     first love affair ended badly. Yet there is nothing like being thrust
     into a war between two rivals to get his confidence back. The angel,
     Michael a man making the transition from military servicemen, to
     police officer, self righteous and stalwart, but lost without a
     purpose. And the devil. Lucifer a former gang member turned tattoo
     artist, whose life was torn apart by a old lover, just trying to pick
     up the pieces.
Notes
     this is a story PREQUEL to my (Every saint has a past, and every
     sinner has a future) and (Never to suffer would never to have been
     blessed) however I would recommend having read Every saint and at
     least up to chapter 5 of never to suffer before reading this story to
     avoid any spoilers. You have been warned.
See the end of the work for more notes
***** Nothing ever becomes real till it is experienced *****
This is a prequel work check notes for reading order
Balthazar Roché recoiled jerking upright in bed, he took a moment to get his
bearings,he was sprawled naked on his stomach across the surface of his bed.
His black silk sheets tangled between his legs. He glanced around the room, his
eyes stinging from the bright sunlight that was streaming through the
diaphanous white curtains, looking for his companion.He was surprised and a
little disappointed to find that he was alone.He’d hoped for an encore
performance when was a little less pissed.  His memories of last night were
hazy at best, but to be honest his best memories were blearly blended with jack
and coke, sometimes cocaine. Though most of that was years ago. The noise that
woke him was the plaintive wail from his alarm clock. It had ten past seven. He
was running late.
 He pushed himself up off his stomach, displeased to notice that the used
condom still hung off his cock.  It would have been polite for the other man to
have given him a hand, as it were. He sighed heavily, he needed a shower, but
he had less than half an hour to be in court, a whores bath it was. He stumbled
to the bathroom, relieved himself, before quickly turning on the shower.There
was still no signs of his companion here, if it weren’t for the condom he’d
have thought his memories where just a vivid dream. He grabbed the extendable
shower arm and directed the spray of water on the pertinent bits, there was
still smears of lube, on the front of his thighs and his hands, he imagine that
his performance must have been really shoddy if the other man took off so
quickly. He dried off and quickly padded back to his bedroom, he caught his
reflection in the mirror on the wall in front of the bed and grinned as he
noticed the string of slight bruising along the line of his neck. Love bites.
He laughed to himself. At least they enjoyed themselves a little.
He’d enjoyed himself. The bits he could remember were filled with passionate
abandon. Rhythmic writhing in pleasure, and the other man did this thing with
his tongue that could only be described as rapturous. He wished he’d caught his
name.
He sauntered over to his closet and begun to dress. He might be English, but he
loved a good Italian suit. The Burberry suit was gunmetal blue, with a slight
sheen to it that Balthazar loved.He paired it with a pale silver tie. He looked
for his favorite set of cufflinks, but they were not where he usually set them
on the nightstand. He had a brief fear that perhaps his one night stand took a
little souvenir,after all it happened before,but he didn’t have time to check
now, he only hoped of all the expensive items at their disposal in his
apartment he didn't take the only sentimental trinkets he owned.  
He checked his appearance in the mirror one more time, his bruises were
covered, by his suit collar, he had a haze of hair along his jaw,but he didn’t
have time to shave. His hair was artfully tousled from a night full of bliss so
he didn’t bother trying to change it. He spritzed himself with cologne mostly
to hide the scent of Jameson from his coffee.
He surveyed the rest of his flat, still no signs of his mystery man, he tried
in vain to remember what they were drinking or where they met.Typically he
would head out to a bar grab a few drinks, it was LA after all, if he didn’t it
was a waste. On a good night he might go on the pull if the mood struck him,
but that happened less and less these days, he’d left his wild party days
behind him when he’d left London, excluding last night apparently, the tabloid
vans even stopped following him. Admittedly it wasn’t his choice, but that was
neither here nor there. He was running late. He’d already summoned a Uber. He
was grateful for his sunglasses as he sprinted towards the car.
***
Gabriel Novak, sat in the lobby. He was told that the man he waiting for was in
court. He found himself biting his lip. His next move was a gamble, but it was
the gamble of a man at the end of his rope. He’d tried the conventional methods
they weren’t working, he might as well be a ghost.  The room smelled expensive,
it was the only way to put it. There was a mingle of everyday office smells,
coffee, paper, but underneath was richer layers, the smell of the heavy leather
chair he sat in, white tea with wood cedar and vanilla, probably a room spray,
It also didn’t hurt that he could smell the receptionists chanel N°5 from
around the corner.  
He tapped his foot, she glanced up at him disdainfully. She was blonde her hair
up in a professional chignon. The black pantsuit she wore suited her. She would
normally be his type, he had a soft spot for the naughty librarian look , her
glasses only added to the fantasy. He shook his head, trying to clear it. He
hadn’t slept,but that was nothing new. What with work, school and his search,
he rarely kept standard hours. He ran his hand through his hair pushing it out
of his eyes. He needed a shower. His facial hair pricked his hand as he ran a
hand over his jaw. His clothes were rumpled, they were the same ones he wore
last night. Faded blue jeans, light grey T-shirt, black leather jacket. The one
thing new was the small flash drive in his pocket.
The clock was slowly ticking in the background, he knew he didn’t need to worry
about the tick of the clock, he’d requested today off, but the repetitive sound
was grating against his nerves. Originally he’d turned down the offer of coffee
because of the swirling of his stomach, now he craved the heavenly bean juice,
he stood and quickly helped himself to some, it was exactly what he needed, he
drank it black and as fast as he could swallow it, practically scalding himself
in the process. He’d never really developed a taste for it growing up, his
mother had forbidden those sorts of crutches, so he’d survived without her
knowledge, mostly on caffeine pills, protein shakes and sex as a teenager. Then
again she knew about the sex so maybe he hadn't kept her in the dark as much as
he thought.
He bit his lip again, it was clear that it was becoming a nervous habit, as was
the repetitive foot tapping that was clearly beginning to bother the woman
waiting behind the desk. He supposed he could try to seduce her. That might
waste some of the time while he waited, but that was too close to actually
enjoying himself, and now wasn’t the time.
For now he needed to focus on his hairbrained scheme, he honestly didn’t think
it would work. Why would it?  It was an idea fueled with late nights, cocaine,
liquor and desperation.
Still once born he couldn't kill the idea no matter how much he tried.
Balthazar Roché sauntered into the office at ten after ten, he’d been waiting
two hours.
He held a travel mug of coffee in his right hand and a dark brown leather
attache case in his left hand. As he entered the room he casually took a drink.
He walked up to the receptionist desk walking directly past him, not noticing
him at all.
“Uh sir, you have an appointment.” she insisted catching his attention as he
moved to walk past her towards his own office.
He spun to face him, lowering his sunglasses slightly with his right hand so
that he could better see him in the low lighting of the office.
He wasn’t sure what he saw when he looked at him. He was a lawyer, and a
politician's son, Gabriel imagined that he was used to assessing people.
Gabriel tried, briefly, to imagine what someone like him would see when they
looked at him. He definitely wouldn’t see the years of emotional abuse and
unhealthy coping methods he developed living with his mother, or the near
constant guilt ravaging him just beneath the surface. He wouldn't see the real
him, just the categories.
Young, and not wealthy, so the pay wouldn’t likely be good enough to afford a
lawyer of his caliber. He might sense the desperation he felt, read the weeks
and months of fitful sleep in the shadows under his eyes or the new gauntness
to his features.
His assessment took only a matter of seconds, not enough for Gabriel to get his
own read on the man. Though he looked very different from the last time he saw
him, then again he was sober, and dressed. His mussed hair, sunglasses, and
scruff, gave a roguish air yet his fifteen hundred plus dollar suit told a
different story, of wealth and urbanity.
He set his attache case  down crossing the room he extended his hand out to
shake his.
“Balthazar Roché” he murmured in greeting. Gabriel felt a warm slither of
arousal crawl through him, but he tried to focus. Gabriel was beginning to
doubt his summation that the man was sober as he caught a the barest whiff of
something as his coffee passed him.
“Gabriel Novak.” he supplied.
“Come into my office.” he murmured genially
Balthazar turned away from the potential client. His head was killing him, the
little bit of whiskey he’d put in his now cold coffee had done nothing to
assuage it.
“Has Angie offered you anything?” he asked pausing thinking of the bottles of
water they usually offered clients. Perhaps he was just dehydrated.
The other man nodded.
“I had some coffee.” he said in way of assuring him.
“Of course.” he murmured. Turning back to his office.
The bookshelf took up most of the space, filling the space along the back wall
behind his desk, but it was window dressing. He’d never so much as hefted any
of the books from their place on the shelf, to leaf through their pages,
because they were fake. He liked to think of it as the very symbol of his
existence, the image and the essence of sophistication and professionalism,
without substance.
“Have a seat.” he insisted indicating the leather armchair.
The other man gingerly lowered himself into the chair.
He was young, far younger than his average client, then again most of his
clients were well into their fifties. His hair was sandy brown hair was
longish, it continuously fell into his face as he glanced down into his lap. He
bit his lip, there was something familiar about the unconscious gesture.  
Balthazar moved around his desk. It was real wood, it gleamed beneath the sheen
of wood varnish.
It still faintly smelled like lemons.
it was orderly, unlike his personal office he chose to use a laptop, it took
less space and was easily portable if he wanted to take a working lunch.  He
opened up his case and set his laptop the black matt on his desk.
“What brought you here today.” he queared leaning back in his desk.
There was a strange expression on his face.
As he turned to dig into his jacket pocket. He removed a small black flash
drive.
“I want to show you something.” he insisted holding out the drive across the
expanse of his desk.
Balthazar sighed.
“I don’t take slip and fall cases no matter how stupendous the video footage
is.”
He bit his lip again, and Balthazar was again struck with how familiar it was.
“It’s not that.” He assured. His tone somehow sounded resigned.
Balthazar rarely took information from clients like this. There was too much
potential for virus or some other form of fraud, but something about the way he
handed it over or the expression on his face made him take the flash drive.
The drive only held one file Mov. file.
Balthazar glanced over at the other man. There was a resolute expression on his
face, it had completely changed from the moment he met him. It had hardened
making him look older.
His expression must have asked the question for him.
“Just watch.”  Gabriel insisted softly.
Hesitantly Balthazar clicked on the video.
The picture showed the other man’s face. He was crowding the frame so that
Balthazar couldn’t see anything behind him. He was shirtless. His hair was
slicked back out of eyes,he was wearing some kind of choker or maybe a collar.
 It was clearly amature work, might have been shot with a webcam or maybe a
cellphone.  
The audio was rough, he could hear music in the background, something synthy,
with a beat, but it clearly was happening in the scene versus being added in
for effect. He stepped back and a sinking feeling went through him as he felt
his stomach plummet.
Gabriel stepped back into a very familiar space. He recognised the black silk
sheets on his bed, and his night stand.
He moved to lay on his bed.He was naked.
“What is this?” he asked aghast.
“Just watch.” Gabriel insisted his tone was forceful, Balthazar spun back to
the screen. In the time he looked away the action had progressed.
Someone,also naked, was joining him on the bed, except Balthazar had no doubt
who. Even if he didn’t want to recognize himself in the footage, the very
distinctive tattoo of a rainbow colored phoenix across the side of his ribs
would no doubt be recognizable to everyone. It had made the round of tabloids
before.
His coming out had been a phenomenal affair…
It was surreal watching himself.  He was laughing, at something the other man
said. As he crawled on his hands and knees over to him, across the bed.
He nearly jumped out of his skin when he noticed that Gabriel was at his side.
He hadn’t seen the other man stand up
“Let's skip ahead shall we.” he murmured laying his hand over his.
The film jumped Gabriel was down on his knees, Balthazar had his head tossed
back clenching his hands into fists pulling at the sheets. He was making
ungodly embarrassing noises for the cold sober light of day.
He vaguely remembered that part.
Gabriel clicked the video forward again. Gabriel was bent over the edge of the
mattress. Balthazar was pounding into him from behind, pulling his hair forcing
him to arch his back as he pushed back against him.
Balthazar cleared his throat.
Gabriel paused the film.
“That could be anyone.” he muttered knowing that it was a fool's errand
Gabriel slapped something down on the desk.
Balthazar looked down at the small silver object,
It was a small silver personalized cufflink, practically worthless, but he’d
know it anywhere.
The initials BSR inscribed.
Balthazar reached past the man pulling open his desk drawer, forcing him to
back away from him he removed a small round silver flask, and a bottle of
pills.
Gabriel raised a brow
As he swallowed the pain pills with a several sips of the whiskey.
“What? I believe we are past the civility of pretending I’m not hungover like
the devil.” he complained with a wry smile.
“On a side note what on God’s green earth were we drinking last night?” he
asked.
“Sex on my face” Gabriel replied.
 Now it was Balthazar’s turn to raise a brow archly
“I’m assuming that's the name of a drink versus a blow by blow.”
The other man colored slightly, not very brazen for a blackmailer.
That was what he assumed it was. What else would someone want with a sex tape?
It wasn’t the first time someone had tried this little trick, it had  happened
before, in London, but at the time he hadn’t anything to hide.
“What do you mean to accomplish with this?”
He wondered aloud.
 “I’m sure you know this isn’t the first sex tape of mine to go public.”
He shot him a withering look.
“You might have been too young?”
Gabriel shook his head.
“Two different times, one 1998  another in 2000 , with a model and an actress I
believe.”  
Balthazar frowned, had he researched this?
“She was a dancer actually, but she did eventually become an adult actress
after our little video was made public.”
Balthazar sneered at him, hoping that he could bluff his way out of a damaging
situation.
“Looking for your own moment in the limelight?”
Gabriel continued ignoring the bait, he seemed to have rehearsed his pitch.
“It’s been ten years, you put your wild past behind you joined a prestigious
law firm and your father is running for his second term as governor. Some
people say he has eyes set on the White House. Your very conservative, anti
LGBTQ, father. Those other tapes were with women, how would a gay sex tape
scandal, involving his only son affect his chances for election?”  
Balthazar scoffed. His sexuality wasn’t a secret, he’d made sure of that.
“If you know anything about me you’ll know my father and I don’t get on. For
that exact reason.”
what he said was true, he didn’t give a fuck what his father thought of him,
but he had been contacted by his father’s  lawyers on his twenty first birthday
and while he hated the man he was more than willing to spend his money, which
came with strings. A morality clause to rival the great hollywood stars. His
father didn’t care what he did, as long as no one found out.
He’d publically cleaned up his act,he moved back to the states, finished law
school, his hedonistic ways forced underground. Gabriel took a deep breath, he
made a strange face almost as if this next part left a sour taste in his mouth,
and maybe it did.
“What about your mother.” a strange sensation not unlike fear went through him,
but he didn’t get scared easily.
“She’s sick, isn’t she?”
“What would something like this do to her health?”
Balthazar scowled.
He didn’t give a shit about the General, they’d barely spoken in years, since
he came out, but his mother was another story.
“How much do you want?” he asked. He was expecting the man to name his price.
Blackmailer’s in his experience usually had a figure in mind.
“I don’t want your money” he insisted.
That caught him off guard.
“What do you want?”
“I want you to help me find my brother.”
Gabriel was surprised when the man began to laugh. Head thrown back full tilt
laughter.
He leaned back in his seat wiping his eyes.
He sat up smiling broadly.
“Do I look like a bloody detective?”
He was shaking his head the tension in his shoulders had eased, he took a deep
drag from his flask.
“You went so far as to set up this… this.” he rolled his hand trying to find
the right word to use.
“...Honeypot scheme all for what?”
“I’m a lawyer, so unless you’ve something more illegal than filming me without
my consent get out.”
“I’m desperate.”  
Balthazar paused. He’d stood to shoo him from his office they stood together.
Last night Gabriel hadn’t exactly gotten as much time to appreciate how much
taller he was than him.
“As flattering as that is I’m afraid, I must take a pass on another round.”
Balthazar blinked as the other man shoved a photograph into his face.
The picture was well worn, he could see the creases from where he normally kept
it in his wallet.
It was a photo of a young boy, he was in his early teens, he wasn't smiling in
the photo, he was staring vacantly towards the camera clearly wishing the photo
session would be over.
“His name is Jimmy, he’s fifteen years old, he’s been missing for a year and
three months. I’ve gone to the police, to private detectives, this, with
you... ” he practically sneered. “was by no means my first move.”
“You have money, and access that others can’t and you know how to keep it
legal, and if you can’t you know how to get out of it. If you can’t find him,
that’s life but if you refuse to help, our little video is going on the
internet.”
Balthazar took the picture. It was a yearbook photo. The boy in question looked
haunted,He wore a black hoodie and eyeliner rimmed his eyes.  Balthazar was
struck by the blueness of his eyes.
“He’s been missing this long there is a chance he’s already dead.”
He said the words because he needed to know if the other man would accept them
if they were true.  
“I know.” Gabriel agreed looking at the floor.
“You said he was missing? Did he run away? Was he abducted?”
“They think he ran away.” Gabriel muttered.
“Is that what you think?” Balthazar asked.
Gabriel looked away. Balthazar could see the lost crestfallen look cross his
face.
“I don’t know.” he admitted. “I didn’t know him very well.”
“So this is guilt?” he asked studying him. The other man raised up his chin.
“ This is my fault, I wasn’t there when he needed me, and I’m here to make it
right.”
“You could have just come to me with this.” Balthazar murmured.  
He was a hedonist not a monster, if he’d came to him he would have tried to
make things work.  
Gabriel laughed bitterly.
“I tried.”
“I sent you letters, I came to your office, I had to set up this meeting with
you a month ago to even get your secretary to let me stay in the office.”
“P aralegal.”  Balthazar corrected.
Gabriel glared at him.
“What the work environment is competitive Angie deserves all the recognition
she gets and more.”
Balthazar conceded that it might not have been the best time.
“So you planned to seduce me a month ago?” he asked confused.
Gabriel didn’t reply.
“Are you going to help me or not?”
“I don’t think I’ve got much of a choice, six months.”
Gabriel frowned.
“ Six months?”
“You get six months. After that post whatever you want.”
***
The beat was pounding, the lights over head swirling, Gabriel had a drink in
his hand, just a beer tonight.While he didn’t drink nearly as much as Balthazar
did, he still had a splitting headache.   He had finally convinced his best
friend in the world to come out with him tonight and he was going to make the
most of it even if guilt was swimming in his stomach. He was celebrating, and
while he couldn't tell him everything there was one detail he could share.
Chuck coughed sputtering beer. Gabriel smiled he loved flustering him.
“You ah…. You ah,” he swallowed hard. “ You fucked Balthazar Roché? Wwhat why?”
“You don’t have a celebrity bucket list?” he asked  Chuck shrugged “Yeah, but
I'm more talking of like Channing Tatum, Alex Pettyfer,Zac Efron not a British
playboy reality tv star,”
“Well if I run into any of them I’ll make sure to fuck them for you.”    Gabe
muttered with a grin.
Chuck rolled his eyes, “Forget why you fucked him, it's  you  why doesn’t
really enter into it he had a pulse,but how?”
Gabriel shrugged playfully.
“And give away all my trade secrets?”
“Besides I’ve never fucked you.” he insisted throwing his arm around him
pulling him close.
“That's not for lack of trying on your part.” he complained carefully
extricating himself from his embrace.
Gabriel just winked.
“But If I didn’t hit on you you’d know something was wrong” he teased.
Chuck just shrugged.  He wasn’t listening, he was looking across the dance
floor.
Gabriel’s eyes followed his. He was watching his ex, who at the moment was
grinding up against an equally attractive redhead.
“How you doing Chuck?” he asked watching his friend.
He didn’t respond, his face shifted as if he just watched someone kick a puppy
“Earth to Chuck.” he demanded touching his arm.
Chuck blinked finally noticing him…
“Sorry.” he muttered sheepishly.
“Bit of a dry spell?” Gabe asked
“Er ah… there hasn’t really been any… water, since Seth” he finished pointedly
Gabe shook his head. Trust Chuck to keep it classy and awkward. It had been
over a year since Seth dumped him. Chuck was having trouble moving on.
Gabe leaned in
“Say the word and I’ll change that for you.” he tantalized, but as per usual
Chuck didn’t take the bait, but Gabriel couldn't help but feel flattered at his
next words.
“Uh oh.” Chuck murmured.
“Did I get to you that time?” he asked waggling his eyebrows salaciously.
“No, but Balthazar Roché is walking over here right now.”  he muttered keeping
his head down.
Gabriel felt a surge of adrenaline go through him, shit.
“I’ll handle this.”  Gabe insisted standing trying to catch him before he
reached their table.
“Are you following me?” he asked as soon as he reached him glass in his right
hand. He grabbed Gabe by the arm and pulled him slightly further away from the
crowd.
“No, are you following me?”  he wondered confused.
Balthazar scoffed. His brows drawn together in an angry line.
“Ok ouch.” Gabe muttered with mock affront
“You do recall who is blackmailing whom in this situation right?”  Balthazar
asked. He was studying him.
Gabriel had left his office only a few hours ago. He had given him everything
he had on Jimmy, which wasn’t much.  He knew that he’d bought a bus ticket to
Dallas and from there to LA. After than he lost him.
It still ate at him. He’d failed Jimmy twice now, and he couldn't do it again.
That meant he had to play nice with this arrogant prick.
Balthazar was surprised by the other man’s sudden lack of resistance.
“I was just getting a beer, if you want I’ll leave.”
When he’d glanced over from the bar and saw the man who had been haunting him
all day he was certain that he was being followed, now he wasn't too sure.
Balthazar took pity on him. Maybe it was a latent chemical reaction from them
having sex or maybe it was the way he looked stiff like he was trying too hard
to be happy. Balthazar had been there first hand, he knew the signs, but he
relaxed. He’d seemed genuine about the loss of his brother. Balthazar was an
only child so he didn’t quite comprehend the magnitude of the situation but he
knew what it was like to have a family, no matter how small, and lose it.
“What are you drinking?” he found himself asking.
“Beer.” he responded quizzically
Balthazar shook his head.
“Not on my watch.”
Gabriel frowned as Balthazar drug him over to the bar.
“Jameson, neat, for my friend here.”
Gabriel accepted the rocks glass numbly. He followed as Balthazar walked over
to a table.
“Now” Balthazar began. “You’ve  showed me the facts. Tell me what happened”
Gabriel sat down,a change that went through. As he stared into the whiskey
“My mother was abusive.”  the more he said the words the less he felt like he
had to justify them.
She didn’t touch him like she did Jimmy, quite the opposite in fact. She
withheld every ounce of affection from him.  She treated him with complete and
utter contempt, constantly setting him at odds with Jimmy, isolating jimmy
while locking Gabriel out of the house, now he knew why.
He shuddered.
“My brother asked for my help and I failed him.”
Three years ago
The ground was wet, it made it difficult to move as he tread carefully forward
with the box in hand. It was the first day of May, and he already felt like it
was a fresh start for him, the rain was a sign, he’d be washed clean of this,
and finally be able to be his own person.  His mother couldn’t dictate his life
forever.
He handed the box over to his friend Chuck. Who carefully packed it into the
car.
“Your brother looks sad you're leaving” he commented nodding his head over
towards where Jimmy was lingering by the steps.
Gabriel turned, Jimmy sat practically hugging his knees to his chest, a forlorn
look lingering on his face as he stared out into the distance. He wore a navy
button up and jeans his mother got him, his hair combed out of his face. He
looked just like his father.  Another wave of guilt went through him, at
leaving him. He’d be fine.
“He’s always like that.” Gabe insisted.
His brother had always been a withdrawn person, preferring his mother’s company
to that of other people.
“He’s shy.”
His mother said he was gifted, she constantly told him how much smarter Jimmy
was than him, that she’d set Jimmy up to graduate a year early, six months
sooner than himself.  he was already taking advanced level classes in junior
high. His GPA was higher already than his. It didn't matter that he busted his
ass off, to be valedictorian and graduate early, because she expected nothing
less. Anything less would have proven to her that he was exactly what she
thought he was.
In his opinion Jimmy couldn't graduate too early. The sooner he got away from
his mother the sooner he’d be forced to branch out and grow on his own.
Jimmy had always been so meek, his mother’s control had always grated on him,
but Jimmy always seemed so content to go along with whatever she wanted. Which
was probably why he was her favorite. Gabe knew he shouldn’t be jealous, he
knew what she was like, she was manipulative, and cold, but when he saw her
with Jimmy it stung a little.
He watched as she came up behind Jimmy, rubbing his shoulder as she crouched to
talk to him.She was always so loving towards him. Sometimes it felt like from
the moment Jimmy was born, she stopped loving him. Nothing he did was ever good
enough for her. She rarely hugged him, or told him she loved him,yet at the
same time she was free with affection towards Jimmy.
His mother must have caught him staring because she stood gracefully and
approached him. He tried to guard himself against her attack, she hadn’t wanted
him to leave, she’d berated him time and time again that he was being an idiot
for leaving, that he’d come crawling back in a month, poor,pitiful and sad.
She had promised to take him back, but only if he begged for it. If he threw
himself down in contrition, but he would never go back, could never go back to
that. He would sooner starve hungry and cold on the streets.
“Putting the nail in my coffin I see?” his mother muttered. Guilt burned him
“And James look at him, he’s a mess.” she insisted gesturing to him.
“You’re abandoning your family, just like your father.” Gabriel flinched. He
almost forgot that all of his father’s faults where his faults. He never met
the man, he left when his mom was three months pregnant with him… all he heard
were stories.
“You're just like him, lazy and self entitled.” she sneered, she laid a soft
hand on his shoulder, to anyone out of earshot they might think she was
comforting him.
“What are we going to do without your income?” she insisted.
“I’m still sending money home, mom.”  he insisted not meeting her eyes.
“But not as much, not with your own bills.” she insisted.
“You want James and me to suffer just because you're so intent  on moving in
with your fuck buddy.” she spat.
 “He’s not, it's not like that?”
She sneered again.
“Don't think I don’t know what you’ve been doing, screwing the entire town
behind my back.” besides himself he felt a flush creep up into his face.
“Pretty soon you’ll be selling yourself on a corner, and then do you know what
I won't let you come back, won't let you and your filth around Jimmy. “
“Heaven forbid I have any relationship with him at all.” he muttered feeling
emboldened.
He was leaving, he didn’t have to tiptoe around her bullshit anymore.
  She constantly set he and Jimmy at odds with each other. She kept him away
from him, because she didn’t want him changing him, didn’t want him corrupting
him.
They lived in the same house, but barely had a functioning relationship with
each other because of her.
He wasn't sure if it was because she was an only child and they were the only
family she had or if she was that selfish and jealous, but as much as she
pushed and drove him away she always, pulled him back. He would have left in
December except she got sick and wouldn't leave her bed for a week. She
wouldn't let him take her to a doctor, wouldn't eat anything he brought her,
wouldn't speak to him till he promised to stay till May.
She let Jimmy talk to her, she kept him in the room with her, he heard the TV
constantly as they watched movies together. Jimmy could make her eat.
He hoped that moving out would help his relationship with his brother. He hoped
that maybe if she spent less time with him, she wouldn't hate him so much and
maybe they could finally spend time together.
“This is the last of it.” Chuck called out as he stepped down the stairs.
Gabe glanced over at Chuck, he wasn’t lying.
He and Chuck they weren’t an item, maybe it was what he wanted, but it was only
because he knew Chuck deserved better, but he wasn’t moving in with Chuck, that
was a lie he told his mother, he didn’t have a place to live yet, but he
couldn't stand another moment with his mother, for now he’d be staying in his
car, till he found place.
It was time.  He watched Chuck get into the car.
“Hey Jimmy!” he shouted
Summoned his brother slowly rose and walked over to him.
“You mind if i have a moment alone with Jimmy to say goodbye or is that too
much to ask?” Gabriel muttered glaring at their mother.
She hesitated, before nodding. “I’ll be on the porch.”
Gabe leaned down to hug him and felt instantly rejected as he stiffened.
Sometimes he wondered what his mother said about him for Jimmy to be so cold
towards him.
Did he believe everything she said? Would he be able to form his own opinion.
He was going to work on it. He knew Jimmy didn’t really know him, but he wanted
to.
“You gonna miss me bucko?” he asked. Studying the sullen child before him, he
tried to remember what he was like when he was twelve.
That was the first time he drank, he snuck into the liquor cabinet and poured
himself a glass of gin, it was disgusting. He tried cutting it with cherry
soda, but it didn’t work. He drank half of it before he started to feel woozy
and dumped the rest in the sink. As he grew he would come to resent the waste.
“Yes,” he responded emphatically much to Gabriel’s surprised. His bottom lip
was trembling, he tried to remember if he’d seen him cry before.
He’d always been withdrawn and slightly clingy, he wouldn't play with other
kids because they teased him.
“Don’t leave.” he said suddenly surprising him.
“I’m just moving out, I’m going to still be here.” he assured touched at his
rare display of emotion.
“I don’t want you to leave me alone… with her.”
Gabriel paused.
A strange feeling of unease went through him.
“Why not?” he asked he kept his voice hushed,
Jimmy licked his lips
“Um…” he murmured looking overwhelmed
“Did she hurt you?” he asked angrily
It had happened once. When Jimmy was little, he saw her with him, she was
squeezing his little arm so hard twisting it behind his back,he was crying
trying to pull away.
Gabriel had shoved her, away from him. He’d been ten, Jimmy only four. She said
she was trying to keep him still while she changed him and she over reacted,
but the diaper had been clean.
Jimmy only blinked owlishly up at him.   
What did she do?” he tried again he still couldn't cut the fearful angry tone
from his voice
He knew with his mother it could be any number of things.
“Ssshe” he began.
Gabriel glanced over to where his mother sat watching them from the porch she
was watching them very closely taking drags on her cigarette, it was clear she
was not liking the direction things were going.
“Fucks me.” he whispered.
Gabriel felt shock and revulsion race through him.
“No.” he gasped before he could stop himself. He couldn't believe it did not
want to believe it, but he knew it made sense. How quiet and withdrawn he was,
his insecurity.
No one one made that kind of thing up.
She was walking over to them. Her expression was uncertain
He knew that if she thought Jimmy told him anything she would hurt Jimmy, as
much as he wanted to he couldn't take Jimmy with him tonight.  He knew she
wouldn't let him, short of snatching him here and now and running there was
nothing he could do.
 “Listen to me you didn't tell me anything Ok” he insisted
He could tell the moment the words left his mouth Jimmy took them the wrong
way.
He swallowed several time visibly shaking as he did so.
He coughed fighting back a sob.
Gabriel  moved to explain when she arrived placing a light hand on Jimmy’s
shoulder.
Gabriel tried to school his features, but every touch now looked
insidious,because it was.
Jimmy didn’t pull that word from nowhere. She must have said it to him.
“Whats going on?” she asked her tone was sharp
Jimmy hissed as she placed her hand on him.
 “Has James been fibbing again?” she asked. Her tone was so light and offhanded
it made him want to puke. She had done some terrible things to him in the past
but all her poison wasn't worth any of this for Jimmy.
“No, he was just saying how he would miss me and how I'm going to help him out
with  something very soon .”  he hoped he got his point across but he feared he
didn’t Jimmy was staring into nothing clearly lost in the turmoil of his own
thoughts.
The moment he got in the car he would call 911, someone would be here to take
Jimmy away from her.
“Why don’t you go play inside Jimmy while I say goodbye to your brother.”
She said quietly. Jimmy looked grateful for the excuse to leave and he ran into
the house his pain broke his heart. Gabriel had no idea how long the abuse went
on, but it was happening beneath his nose, the guilt was forming knots in his
stomach.
She waited till Jimmy was out of earshot.
She stepped up to him. Taking a deep drag on her cigarette.
“I’ll tell them it was you.”  she finally said as she blew smoke into his eyes.
It stung as he inhaled it choking back a cough.
“What?” he demanded.
“If you tell anyone, I’ll tell him that it was you who’s been touching him.”
Gabriel could only stare at her audacity.
“Who are they gonna believe huh? His mother or the bisexual deviant who’s been
fucking half the city?”
“Jimmy will tell the truth.” he murmured blankly.
She moved faster that he expected shoving the butt of her cigarette into his
arm just above his elbow. He pulled away surprised.
“Jimmy will say whatever I tell him to.”
Chuck opened the car door when he heard him scream.  Gabriel remained silent.  
“Now leave and don’t come back.”
***** "I am certain of nothing but the holiness of the heart's affections, and
the truth of imagination *****
Chapter Notes
     I am not in the military and only have a cursory understanding of
     both the military and prison systems so most of my info is from the
     internet. so sorry if it isn't 100% accurate for those more familiar
     with the topics.
     slight spoilers if you haven't finished season 11
See the end of the chapter for more notes
Chuck Shurley considered himself a pretty normal guy. He’d moved to Los angeles
with his best friend when he was twenty three, Gabe was only nineteen. Both of
them brimming with big dreams. His dream specifically was becoming a
screenwriter. When that failed horribly he settled and then settled some more
and wound up writing trashy paranormal homoerotic fiction. Overall he was
average sometimes bordering on the point of being boring. He glanced over at
the dance floor. Seth had traded out the redhead for a blond, but seemed
equally as pleased grinding against him. Rather than continue to punish himself
he turned his gaze over towards where Gabe was talking to Balthazar.  He was
leaning in his fingers curled around his glass, Balthazar had shifted from
angry to sympathetic. Gabe had a gift, he could entice a nun out of her
habit,seduce a saint.  If he was being brutally honest Chuck didn’t consider
himself particularly creative sexually. Sure he had fantasies and they
reflected in his work, but much of his inspiration came from Gabe’s not his own
sexual exploits.  Partially because his own history was a little thin. Seth was
technically the second guy he’d been with, his first experience had ended so
badly it had left him more than happy to settle with fantasies for years. He’d
met Gabe his senior year when the brazen freshman walked right up to him at his
locker. Chuck had been standing there his hands full of books and Gabe hand
reached around him pulling him close inspecting his shirt tag. Chuck had been
so stunned that he hadn’t reacted .Then Gabe pulled back with a cheeky grin and
a wink before proclaiming just as he thought made in heaven.  
Then he aggressively spent the rest of the semester trying to get into his
pants, but became his best friend instead. Chuck didn’t really take it too
personally then, or even now. Gabe wanted to fuck everybody, it was his not too
healthy coping mechanism from dealing with his psychotic mother.
He glanced back over at Seth, Chuck couldn’t be sure, but it felt like he was
showing off for him, the redhead from before had returned sandwiching Seth
between him and the blond. Chuck sighed heavily. The only reason he’d came out
tonight was because Gabe had practically begged him to, plus he offered to pay
for the beers. He wasn’t exactly making bank as a writer, he was much closer to
breaking it than making it, he usually picked his alcohol choices on alcohol
percentage by price.  He wanted to leave, but was debating on having another
beer on Gabe before he left, not that he had much going on. All that waited for
him at home was a week old box of merlot, and the emails from his publisher
reminding him that he had a proposal due.
He glanced at his watch. In four hours.  He really should just go home. The
real reason he came out with Gabe tonight was that he was fresh out of ideas.
Writing was hard, and writing erotica was harder when you weren't getting some
on the regular. Not that he’d done his best work when he was with Seth. It had
been a bit derivative. His last project was over a year ago and it had tanked,
he’d had over six months to work on this proposal and opening chapters and he
had absolutely nothing.
He was pondering the mechanics of writing good erotic fiction when a server
plopped a beer down before him.
he turned to leave
“Um. excuse me?” He turned back to him his  hand resting on his hip brow
raised.
“I didn’t order anything.” he admitted
“Guy in the jacket from the bar sent it over.”  Chuck glanced over searing for
the man in question had his back to him, all he could see was the back of his
head over his black canvas cargo jacket.
His expression must have been one of disbelief because the server continued.
“Yeah I was surprised too.”he murmured with a wry twitch of his lips. “Cheers.”
he added with a shrug.
Chuck frowned. He stared down at the beer on the table. It was a local craft
beer as opposed to the swill he usually drank.  He wondered what something like
this cost. I mean it wasn’t like the man bought him a fifty dollar drink, but
it was easily over ten dollars. Was he supposed to go over there? Did he refuse
if he wasn’t interested? How did he know he wasn't interested if he didn’t go
over there from here all he could see was the back of the guys head.
Chuck was surprised that he was halfway across the room before he really had
made a firm decision to go over.
The man was leaning over talking to the man next to him at the bar. The other
man was a handsome african american man he was turned partially towards him his
foot propped up on the dark haired man’s bar stool. Suggesting they were
friends possibly intimate friends. He wore a soft looking blue jean overshirt
that looked like it had been worn in the old fashioned way versus a lot of
distressed clothes now days. Beneath it he wore a light grey thermal long
sleeve shirt.
He glared as Chuck approached. Making him have second thoughts about walking
over.
“Ah…” he began the men continued talking the second man seemingly more than
happy to ignore him.
Chuck licked his lips trying again, cursing his inner hermit for his social
anxiety.
“Um...Excuse me?”
The man in question set his beer down and turned to him and Chuck’s stomach hit
the floor.
He looked like fucking superman, chiseled jaw, wide pliant lips pale blue grey
eyes dark brows, just the barest hint of a five o'clock shadow. His dark hair
was cut on the shorter end leaving only an inch or two at the top combed back,
 He grinned showing a flash of straight white teeth.
His eyes swept over him.
Chuck knew what he looked like. His face wasn’t unsymmetrical, he had a
straight jaw, covered with a beard that he was in need of a trim, the color
slightly darker than his mousy brown hair, which was also wild at the moment.
Windswept would be an appropriate description of his look,bedraggled also
suited him. He’d been told he had kind blue eyes, but he also had faint laugh
lines at the corners of them at twenty five, not to mention the bags and dark
circles from his poor sleeping habits.  
He didn’t say anything which made Chuck even more nervous. Chuck licked his
lips again.
“Thanks.” he murmured raising the beer up in case he was uncertain why he
thanked him.
The man hadn’t stopped smiling at him, but a puzzled expression crossed his
face.
“For what?” he asked.  
Chuck swallowed nervously.
At that moment the server tapped his shoulder leaning in.
“Not that guy,” he said quickly. Turning him slightly so that he was looking at
Gabe where he sat with Balthazar.
“That guy.”
Chuck felt his heart lurch back into his chest from where it lingered down near
his toes.
“Oooh.” he squeaked.
He turned back to the other man.
“There seems to… ah...have been a miscommunication.”
He gave a half hearted little smile.
The other man must have taken pity on him he extended his hand .
“I’m Michael.”
“Chuck.”
His hand was warm and calloused bordering on hot in his own. He held it maybe a
moment longer than civility dictated.
The other man took advantage of his hesitation pulling him closely. He
whispered in his ear just loud enough for only him to hear.
“For the record, I’d buy you a drink” his breath ghosted across his cheek, he
smelled like old spice and whiskey.
 Chuck released his hand and turned quickly back to his table bringing the
bottle to his lips chugging it quickly.
That was as spicy and awkward as his life ever got.
***
Michael Cohen watched as the stranger walked back to the his table. “That was
awkward.” Raphael muttered with disdain as he brought his drink up to take a
sip. He was ten years older than him and of the opinion that meeting people in
a bar was vulgar, but Michael didn’t know anyone else in town.
Michael didn’t reply he simply turned back to the bar. He could still see the
other man in the reflection of the mirror behind the bar. He watched the man
chug half the beer as he walked back to the table. He actually thought it was
cute. He’d never had problems finding partners, but no one had looked at him
like that before… like he was so far out of his league….Maybe one person, but
it had been a very long time.
At the end of the bar someone popped open a bottle of champagne, the sound made
him tense. He purposefully tried to relieve the tension in his muscles hoping
that Raphael didn’t notice.
He failed.
The man was looking at him with pity in his eyes.
“It fades man.”  
Michael shook out his hand from where he’d had it clenched at his side. He was
here celebrating. He’d made it home. Now he just needed to figure out what he
wanted to do with the rest of his life.It was a difficult adjustment. He’d
joined the army right after he graduated at seventeen. Now eight years later he
was ending his second term, normally he’d still have two years of inactive duty
left if he hadn’t been placed on disability.
As if on cue his shoulder pain flared to life. He clenched his teeth against
the sudden pain. He needed to call the VA, he’d been on hold for most of the
day, but if he was lucky maybe he’d be able to get into the doctor again. He
was having trouble sleeping on top of the pain, but he was leary to get a
prescription for sleep aids.
When he first joined the army Raphael had taken him beneath his wing, and
showed him the ropes. They were very different people but when he’d spent his
whole life living in another man’s shadow and was perfectly fine doing it again
following Raphael.  Don’t ask don't tell had been the mantra till about a year
ago, and at that point Michael didn’t feel like talking.  Raphael was they type
of gay man who hated other gay men.  He was critical of everything. they way
people dressed, they way they talked, how much they exercised. There was no
pleasing the man and he made sure everyone knew it. If Michael was being honest
he wasn’t certain that Raphael liked anyone. He wasn’t even sure he liked his
own boyfriend Uriel, but they’d been together for as long as Michael had known
him.
If for no other reason he was grateful to Raphael for that at least. If it
wasn’t for him, he might still be closeted and filled with self hatred. He’d
gone into the army at his father’s insistence… he’d done a lot of things when
he was a kid at his father’s insistence. Now the old man was dead and his
praise felt cold and empty as his ashes.
If he was being brutally honest, he was lonely, and he couldn't keep laying the
blame for that on the old man’s feet. He’d followed the plan he laid out for
him faithfully, he’d joined up when he was just a kid really. He did as he was
told he went in for his Military Occupational Specialty
Choosing to work 31K as a  Military Working Dog Handler. He never regretted the
service that he did. He regretted that it wasn’t his choice.
He continued his conversation with Raphael but he had to admit his heart wasn’t
in it. He’d rather be home, even if it was cold and empty than here fake
smiling.
He kept glancing over at the stranger from before. He was on his third beer
now. It seemed he hadn’t quite recovered from his faux pas. He hadn’t so much
as lifted his eyes up from his beer in the past twenty minuets. Michael had to
admit, he wasn’t normally his type. He was shy, quiet, awkward. He was cute. It
made Michael want to strip him bare just to fluster him and see that blush
creep back into his face, then fuck him. He was attractive that was true, but
he usually chose someone who challenged him. Two alphas dogs led to the best
and shortest lived of his relationships.He loved that fire that competition to
stay on top… sometimes literally.  Maybe that was a sign he should change, he
hadn’t had a relationship last longer than six months since he was sixteen,
they were pure fire and short fuses. Part of it was discretion,but a big part
of it was he didn’t know how to do it any other way. He found himself wondering
if this guy fucked differently than the guys he’d been with in the past.
Most of his sexual experience had been hurried, either at home when he couldn’t
come out or in the military when he couldn’t be out either.
“You’re not even listening.” Raphael finally muttered disgusted  as he pushed
his empty glass away from him.
Michael couldn’t form a reply because it was true he hadn’t been listening.
Raphael stood clapping him on his back as he did so.
“I think it’s time I head on home. Leave the night to the single blokes.” he
paused again his face growing uncharastically soft.
“I’m glad you’re home, I’ll send over that information about applying to the
force.”
Michael nodded.
“I think it would be a good fit for you.” Raphael added he was studying him.
Maybe his lack of sleep was starting to show on his face because he swore he
could almost see worry on his friends face.
“Don’t do anything I wouldn’t do.” he teased gesturing to the crowd.
“If I did that I’d die alone.”  Michael admitted.
The other man simply smirked.
***
Chuck wanted to crawl into a ditch somewhere and die, and that was before he
got the text from his editor.  
Becky was all over his ass the get the next pitch.
He told her he’d email it when he got home… meaning he’d write it when he got
home. He still had no idea what he wanted to write about.
He’d been in the slow but surprisingly satisfying process of peeling the label
off his beer when someone approached him blocking the light from the bar.
“If you’re done celebrating can we go home?” he asked focusing on removing the
label in one piece.
“I’ve got to…” he stopped dead in his tracks as he glanced up to see that it
wasn't
Gabriel returning to the table but in fact the stranger from before… Michael?
“That’s a little fast don’t you think.”
“I… I thought you were my roommate.” Chuck stuttered out.
“What Mr. flirtatious over there?” he asked still with a strange teasing tone.
He wasn’t talking to Balthazar any longer he was hanging off the arm of someone
at the bar.
“Yeah that would be Gabriel.”  Chuck agreed meekly.
“I’m Michael.” the man said reminding him.
“I’mmm stillll Chuck.” he muttered self consciously drawing out the words
running his hand over the back of his neck.
Michael chuckled, Chuck hadn’t meant it as a joke but he couldn't regret making
that man smile.  
He sat down at the table with him surprising him.
“So what do you do Chuck?”
“I…” chuck cleared his throat.
“I’m a writer.” he finished softly.
“Oh really, anything I’d know?”
“P..probably not. No.” he continued inelegantly
He seriously doubted that he or anyone really had read his latest flop  Tied up
in the male.  A stunningly explicit musing on what the package delivery drivers
did in their spare time while in the back of the trucks. He was really running
out of ideas.
“I have a very specific audience. Mostly female readers actually.”
“Like cookbooks or something?” he wondered
Chuck ignored the vaguely sexist nature of the other man’s comment mostly
because he didn't want to explain.
“Something like that.” he conceded.
“What about you?” he asked out of politeness.
He was stunned that not only was this incredibly hot guy still talking to him,
he’d joined him at his table and didn’t seem ready to leave any time soon.
“Army… “he admitted proudly before continuing “... well just got out.”
That explained the haircut.
“Thank you for your service.” Chuck replied awkwardly.
Uncertain what he was meant to say.
He startled a chuckle out of the other man.
He studied him.
“Are you always this awkward?”
“Constantly.” he agreed.
He took a sip of his beer.
“Good to know.”
“Are you always this straightforward?”
He wondered. His face hardened.
“I don’t like games.” he admitted.
Chuck wasn’t sure what to say to that so he chose instead to take a sip of his
beer.
He drained it.
“Do you want to have dinner with me?” he asked.
Chuck was grateful that he had swallowed his sip of beer otherwise he was sure
he would have spat it out back in the man’s face out of sheer surprise.
“Like a date?” he asked he knew it sounded a bit redundant but he had enough
missteps with this man he wanted to be certain.
“Yeah, like a date.” he agreed his voice was a rich rumble. He seemed
pleasantly drunk but not completely plastered. So Chuck didn’t think he was
taking advantage of him there.
“Now?” he squeaked out. The man chuckled again.
“Tomorrow soon enough for you?” he teased.
Chuck swallowed thickly.
“Sure.”
***
Chuck walked home after that. Feeling flustered and guilty, but he really had
to finish that pitch or Becky might murder him. She could do it, she knew where
he lived after all. The walk helped clear his head a little, he was maybe
twenty feet before he started to doubt again. Michael probably just thought he
was an easy lay cause he was awkward and that was why he wanted to go out with
him.  It had happened before, he went out with a guy and in twenty minutes they
were feeling him up and calling him a tease when he said no, and he usually
did. Say no.
Seth was the first guy he’d gotten close to in a long time and that had blown
up in his face as well. Still if nothing else he was getting a bit of
inspiration for his story. He knew for a fact that one of the main guys was
going to be tall dark and classically handsome soldier. Maybe even an angel?
His best work did tend to focus on the paranormal. Maybe because it was more
fun that reality.
The walk really wasn’t that far which was why, they chose that particular bar.
It was low key and close. It was the furthest chuck really wanted to go out
after eight. He was boring after all.  Chuck had given up on waiting for
Gabriel it was likely he’d already forgotten his presence, and was focused on
getting laid.
He was running story idea’s in his head. He’d never written a story about an
angel before, the idea was ruminating in his head. He liked the idea, vampires
and werewolves were a little passe now after all.
Once he got to his apartment complex he turned towards the middle of the
complex where the mailboxes where.
He was expecting a package. Sometimes he got demo’s sent in the mail so that he
could write about particular bondage or kink toys. He honestly wasn’t sure if
it was a voluntary basis from the company or if Becky browbeat them into it, in
an effort to spur his writing forward.
Today he had no idea what was waiting for him . He figured he should pick it up
from the drop box before he went to write just incase it gave him any
inspiration.
Usually if the package was small enough they would just place it in the drop
box on the side of the other boxes. If it was bigger they hand delivered it to
the door and usually someone had to sign for it.  Once when no one was home
Becky had delivered a fucking fuck bench to his place when no one was home that
had waited in the office for him all day, the product clearly on display on the
cover of the box. So he usually went as quickly as possible to pick up his
items.
He opened his box looking for the key to the side boxes instead of the key he
found a handwritten note.
He lived in 313 and apparently his box had gotten delivered to 213 by mistake.
Panic filled him. He wasn’t exactly sure what Becky had sent him this time or
what type of packaging might be displayed.
Without thinking of the time he made his way over to apartment 213.
It was a little late for a house call, it was after ten, but the thought of
some family having a box with his clawed expanding anal dilator or what ever
the fuck Becky ordered him sitting on someone’s table over night where their
kids and elderly grandmothers could see it left him unsettled.
He arrived at 213 and knocked only belatedly realizing that he was half drunk
and it was almost eleven o’clock.
He could here someone moving around inside.
He knew it was a cruel irony that someone who wrote erotic novels for a living
was embarrassed by sex in real life. He knew it was perfectly natural even with
accoutrements, but he already knew he was blushing. He could feel the warmth in
his face.
Suddenly the door opened and Chuck felt his face flame even hotter.
The man was leaning on the door frame, he was shirtless, tattooed and
devilishly handsome, and Chuck wasn’t one to throw that around lightly. He was
tall, at 5’7 a lot of people were taller than Chuck, but he was easily six
feet. The tattoos covered his arms and a portion of his chest. Chuck was trying
to avoid staring, but he noticed an angel with a spear on the man’s right arm.
His hair was sandy brownish blonde artfully spiked, his eyes pale blue. He had
a mischievous look about him maybe it was the smirk that teased at the side of
his mouth or the mirth that lingered in his eyes.
“You must be 313.” he murmured his voice was soft and measured which surprised
him.
Chuck nodded nervously his hands clasped in front of him.
“Come on in.” the man gestured. He didn’t move out of the doorway entirely he
still filled the frame he only stepped aside enough for Chuck to walk past him.
Chuck stepped into the sparse apartment. It looked like he was in the processes
of moving in. there were a few boxes piled in the space between the living room
and the kitchen, but not a lot. Most of the space was empty. A blanket was laid
out on the floor and a bag of fast food rested on it besides a box of white
wine. It looked like he’d caught him in the middle of a carpet picnic.
Chuck was surprised when he closed the door. Stepping into the kitchen.
“Can I get you something to drink?” he asked. Only seemingly remembering once
he entered the kitchen his limited options
“I’ve got wine and tap water.”  he finished with a frown.
Chuck had to admit he was a bit nervous,
“Uh I’m fine.” he insisted it wasn’t that the guy looked untrustworthy Chuck
wasn’t that much of a judgy person, it's just he needed to get home. He’d just
gotten an amazing idea for what to write about.
The man frowned softly.
“Forgive the mess.” he insisted trying again.
“Just got into town.”  Chuck nodded he could tell.
He straightened the top box as if it changed how sparse and unlived in the
apartment seemed.
“Haven’t really gotten any furniture.”
“But you’ve got a guitar.” Chuck pointed out gesturing to the red acoustic
guitar that sat in the corner of the living room.
He grinned slightly.
“Do you play?” he asked.
Chuck blushed.
“I dabble.”  he admitted.
“Help yourself.” he insisted gregariously. Chuck had to sell his guitar to make
ends meet, while he had plenty of sex toys and furniture thanks to Becky there
wasn’t exactly a market for selling second hand sex toys even if he’d never
really used them, most of them were wedged into his closet still in their
boxes.
Chuck moved unsurely.  He hefted the blood red guitar, strumming it lightly to
get a feel. It was still in tune.
Lucifer watched as the stranger plucked idly at his guitar for a few moments.
He could tell that he was itching to play a song, but refrained.
It occurred to him that this situation was a strange one, but he was just drunk
enough not to care. It was nice to be able to drink booze that wasn’t made in
someone’s toilet. Let alone enjoy the company of a stranger without fear of
being stabbed or jumped or worse...
He knew his prison experience didn’t match everyone’s but he was normally a
leary person and that only added to his unease.. The bus ride here from San
Quentin he’d been jumpy the entire time. He enjoyed the solitude and the
privacy, at first. Now it was too quiet. Sitting alone in his empty apartment.
He’d sunk every dime into his studio so his apartment would likely stay this
bare for a while to come.
He missed the noise. The sounds of other people, he’d grown used to it. So when
the man came for his package wound up being this cute unassuming man he found
he wanted to know more, he was curious, the man was not what he expected, if he
was being brutally honest. He was bored. His life had been a ridged structure
for the last eight years and now finally he had freedom, he could do whatever
he wanted, and yet he found himself sitting at home on a friday night his only
company a box of wine and a bag of fast food.  He was lonely. He forgot how to
simply be with other people. He had no idea if the man was gay, but given what
box arrived on his doorstep this afternoon he had a fair chance that the man
was. Charles had been the name on the box Charles Shurley, but he didn’t look
like a Charles.
The man begun to play just a few chords at first strumming then he started to
sing and Lucifer felt something he hadn’t felt in a long time. Kinship. His
eyes were closed as he sung almost as if he couldn't face the audience
“ If I--i had wings like Noah's doovve … “ he crooned softly. Growing more
confident.
“I--'d fly up the riverr to the one I--i loovve ” Lucifer watched transfixed by
the emotion he put into the words.
“Faare theee wellll, Oooh honney, faare thee welll.
He strummed the guitar seemingly lost in his own world as the music flowed
through him.
“ I knew a maan, who was loong and taall ” he drawled
“ Hee moved his boddy, like a cannonbaall ” he rocked his hips forward slightly
as he sung sensuously it was an unconscious motion but it drew his attention to
his body.
He was smaller than him, by several inches, his bright eyes held an innocence
that he’d not seen in a long time. Maybe he was jaded, but he didn’t think it
existed anymore. Not necessarily a sexual innocence judging from the box he’d
received but more than that. A naivety of human nature.
“Ooh...Faare thee wellll, ooh honey, faare thee well.”
He was disappointed when the man suddenly stopped. His eyes fluttering open.
“I really need to be going.” he murmured. Self consciously
“I’ve got to get back to work.” he kept his eyes trained on the floor.
Lucifer couldn't keep his mouth shut any longer.
“What in God’s name is a Zeus Electrosex Deep Intruder.” he asked the topic
that had been prevalent on his mind the entire time.
He watched as the other man paled visibly.
“W-what?” he demanded his voice coming out little more that a thready squeak.
Lucifer went back to bedroom where he set the box aside where no one would see
it.
He set the box down on the pile of boxes before him.
The thin box was over a foot long.
The picture on the side at first looked like a black police baton a thin
silvery metal plate ran along it’s length  the grip similar to the handle of a
bicycle, at the tip was a cockhead.
“Jesus fucking christ!” the man choked out.
“That's what I said.” Lucifer concurred, nodding amused by the man’s flustered
face.
“And here I thought I was adventurous.”  he added with a brow raise.
The man looked like he was about to pass out as he stared at the penetrative
device.
“God damn it Becky!”  he swore stepping away from the box as if he couldn't
stand to look at it.
Strangely he felt a sense of disappointment
“Your wife?” he asked.
“My editor.” he corrected offhandedly  
“You’re a writer?” he asked he studied him his unkempt graceless demeanor and
wild imaginative eyes  it fit.
He nodded seemingly incapable of speaking
“Sex toy reviewer?” he asked hazarding a guess with a slight leer. It was fun
pushing this man’s buttons. It was fun flirting again,it made him feel human
again.
“I write homoerotic novels.” he said quickly apparently deciding that the truth
was preferable to whatever he might guess next.
“And this is what a free sample?” he  asked holding the box suspended between
his hand making the dance two and fro before him.
“Its none of your business.” he insisted snatching the box away holding the box
to his chest. The tip just below his chin.
He seemed to realize and dropped his hands to his side, bringing the box with
him.
“That's true.” he conceded.
“Just trying to decide if it’d give me competition if I asked you out on a
date.”
The stunned expression on the other man’s face was worth it.
“Like a date date?” he asked
“Is there any other kind?” he wondered.
The man shook his head as if trying to clear it.
“You don’t even know my name?”
“Charles, right?” he
The man’s eyes widened
“It was on the exterior box.”
“You opened my mail?”
“Thought it was mine.” he admitted.
“It’s Chuck.” he corrected unsteadily.
“Lucifer.” extending his hand.
“But I'm no angel.” he teased with a wink.
His name was Lucien Pellegrino but it had been Lucifer for so long that it was
second nature and well worth the stares.
Chuck couldn't believe what was happening. He wasn’t sure if maybe he hit his
head somewhere, or maybe he was having a stroke, but he didn’t smell toast.
The half naked sexiest man he’d ever had the pleasure to share a room with
literally said his name was Lucifer. It was perfect. The idea had lept into his
head when he first walked into the apartment. The angel and the devil. It was
classic. Not only that he wanted to go on a date with him. Also.
Did he somehow stumble into an alternative universe where unassuming and normal
was the new hot. He knew brainy was the new sexy but he wasn’t even that smart
if he was being honest.
“Um… sure.”
Chapter End Notes
     I chose the song that Chuck/God sung in "Don't Call Me Shurley" that
     was the spoiler I mentioned not sure if it counts.
     Zeus Electrosex Deep Intruder is a real product. you can probably get
     it at extreme restraints .com if you want but its not cheap. in my
     head Becky is this heiress who wants to see certain stories and is
     basically making Chuck create porn for her lol.
End Notes
     Sorry if you came here for the Chuck/ Michael/ Lucifer might have to
     wait a bit still working on that.
     Your comments mean the world to me. They keep me motivated. Us
     writers are a needy bunch
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